There is a certain style of parenting these days which is messing up the children or impeding their chances to develop into their selves. There is a certain style of parenting these days that’s getting in the way; we spend a lot of time being very concerned about parents who are involved enough in the life of their kids, education, upbringing and rightly so… but in the other end of the spectrum a lot of harm going there as well; where parents feel a kid can’t be successful unless the parent is protecting and preventing the kid in every turn and havering over every happening, micro-managing every moment and steering that kid towards some small sub-set of colleges and careers… when we raise kids this way; our kids end up leading a check-listed childhood; and here’s what the check listed childhood looks like
We keep them safe and sound…. And fed and watered.
Expect a Degree of Perfection- Helicopter Parenting
This term “Helicopter Parenting” is used to define a mom or dad who tends to over-parent their kids. These types of parents are a little obsessive when it comes to their children safety, education, extracurricular activities and more. In order to attain a check-listed childhood… the child is deprived of free-play, there is no time enriching, absorb them of getting enough sleep due to pressured homework, quiz, assignments and what not… Every moment the child is rather going through this make or break moment for this future that we have in mind for them and when they come home from school what we ask about all too often first is their homework…and their grades and they see in our faces that our approval, that our love that their very worth comes from the A’s he/she receives.
We parents think it is worth it. We think they will have no future if they don’t get into this tiny set of colleges or careers, we have in mind for them…. Or maybe we won’t be able to brag about our children or put stickers in the backs of our cars.
But if we have the courage to look at what we have done, if we have the courage to really look at it we’ll see that not only do our kids worth comes from grades and scores but when we live right up inside their precious developing minds all the time like our very own version. As the matter of fact, we send our children the message; “Hey kid, I don’t think you can achieve any of this without me…” And so with our over-help, our over-protection, over-handling, We rather deprive our kids of the chance to build Self-Efficacy… a fundamental tenant of the human psyche. Self- Efficacy is built when one sees that one’s own actions lead to outcomes and not one’s parents actions on one’s behalf.
So if we truly want our children to learn the power of self-efficacy they have to learn the power of thinking, deciding, doing, hoping, coping, trying, trial and error, dreaming and experiencing life for themselves.
Now, if we feel that letting them achieve short term wins by over-helping, they might end up with a longer childhood resume when we help… but all of this comes with a long-term cost to their sense of self.
Therefore, there are 6 Principles of Positive Parenting:
- If we see any misbehaviour in our child, he/she is communicating of the unmet need.
- Validation of each effort made by your offspring.
- Using Reverse Psychology in parenting i.e. giving your child the respect you want them to give you.
- Respect your child’s feelings rather punishing them.
- Express confidence in their abilities.
- Most important of all; Remember: The worse your child feels, the worse they will behave.
We should be less concerned with the grades and far more concerned that they have the habits, the mindset, the skills, the willingness to be successful, wherever they go…
As parents it is very important for us to make sure that our offspring are being less assessed by the grades and scores and a whole lot more interested in childhood providing a foundation for their success; built on things like love, compassion. Our job is not making our children become what we would have them become but to support them in becoming glorious selves.